Cloth Diaper Review

I entered the cloth diaper ring around Liam's first birthday. I was a little hesitant at first simply because anything new kind of freaks me out, but the idea of saving money was the catch for me. I've heard so many people not into disposables say they were too hard, messy, too expensive, etc... I'm no expert, but I can give you my experience and thoughts on this here blog thingy.

Liam has very sensitive skin, I had tried all kinds of diapers on him, but found Pampers swaddlers, then cruisers was the only way I could go. I didn't always have a coupon when diapers were in need, so I often bought at full price...ouch! I saw a write-up on one of the blogs I follow, and began my research. I had also talked with my Mom, who did cloth diapers with 4 very sensitive bot.toms. One of my friends does cloth diaper, and she loaned me several diapers to try (All-In-One - AIOs). This gave me a good sense of what it would be like from diapering to washing with the nicer brands.

Feeling like I was entering the ring on the late side, and not knowing if we'll have any more children to make the expensive diapers worthwhile, I felt prefolds were the best way to go. I made my initial investment with a 'package deal' of 6 prefolds, two Bummis breathable wraps, and a snappi. It was a very inexpensive way to try out the cloth diapering thing. A couple weeks later (6 diapers was NOT enough to make it worth it), I bought 6 contour diapers (they look like disposables, but need a wrap/cover and a snappi to fasten), 1 additional wrap and two fuzzibunz pocket diapers. With a dozen + 2 diapers I finally felt like I could do the diapering thing and wash every third day...not a problem. I didn't invest in any of the fun accessories they have for cloth diapering these days, since I am trying to keep it simple. Poo.py diapers were always a pain, and quite frankly disgusting to clean. I kept justifying it in my mind that every time I was cleaning another po.o, I was saving money.

My dear husband, although fine with me spending the money for diapers, was NOT on board to change and clean the diapers. So, our initial agreement was for me to use cloth during the day, and use disposables at night. This was fine for a while, then eventually he began learning how to use the cloth and would change the cloth, but refused to clean po.o. This was fine, until I was gone for an evening and Liam was NOT in a disposable, and decided then to make his finally po.o for the evening. Albert was stuck, unless he wanted to leave the diaper lying around in wait for me to get home (hours later). He took on the grotesque job! I'm so proud!

The next morning he told me of his feat, and I couldn't have been more surprised AND happy! He then told me after his experience he purchased a mini-shower sprayer to assure that neither he NOR I would ever have to dunk a diaper into a toilet again...YUCK! What a great man!

My sprayer arrived the other night, and Albert installed it. I loved cloth diapering for the money saved, as well as the results on Liam's sensitive bot.tom. I love it now, because the disgusting issues are no longer a problem, and I can enjoy the ease of cloth diapering.

We still use disposables when we're out (especially at church, where someone else would change Liam), and at night so the disposables still need to be purchased. To try to quantify what my actually spending is on disposables each month, I wrote the purchase date on my calendar. It has been three weeks with a pack of 52 diapers. That's just shy of 2.5 diapers per day. Liam usually goes through 6-8 diapers per day, so we are making a significant difference that way. I think over time I will purchase more diapers so that I'm not having to do as much laundry, therefore cutting down on the water/gas/electricity usage for washing.

Overall I'm very happy we switched. I have had a few leaks, but only because I left the diapers on entirely too long for any type of diaper. I'm always wanting to learn more about care for and better ways to be more efficient with cloth.

So there you have it! I'd love for more people to join the cloth diapering world, so I hope this encourages those of you with the slightest of interest!

Being a Christian

I have so many thoughts going through my mind, I need this outlet
I am wrestling with what it means to be a Christian in this world.

What does it truly mean to be the body of Christ? What does it mean to serve the 'least of these'? How do I make that a reality in my life? How do I imitate Christ?

This song by Todd Agnew, called "My Jesus" sums it up so well...

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting
sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other
side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear
complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and
popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that
means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like
You but then You died for me

What does this reality look like for this wife, mom, daughter of Christ?

Sweet Surprises

I don't often go to thrift stores, for two reasons. One being that I'm just not patient enough. You really have to spend time there to find something good and worth while. The 2nd reason is because you have to spend time there to find something good and worth while....not gonna happen with kids.

BUT...there's nothing like finding a treasure buried deep among the rubish.

So, last night in a moment to myself, I thought I'd give it a try. I had the time, I had no children with me, and I was willing to be patient. I am glad I was because....... I was able to find a cute cashmere sweater, soft yellow, and my size...for the glorious grand total of .................75 CENTS!! Now that's WORTHWHILE!

Being Refreshed

Sleep is a wonderful thing. After yesterday's struggles, I am refreshed this morning. I have not done a great job keeping up with my daily time in God's Word, but this morning I was able to have some time, while the kiddos are STILL in bed. How perfect.

Going over Psalm 103, verses 4&5 really hit me.
103:2-5
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

This was so encouraging to read. Not only because I need to know others feel the same (David, no less), the feeling of being in the pit, not being able to see beyond tomorrow, overwhelming despair, but mostly because God really cares. He wraps his loving arms around us, and gives us the strength we need.
We are so sinful, and certainly don't deserve to be redeemed from the pit, but God's amazing compassion is so wonderful!
I couldn't let yesterday's post be, God is an amazing God and He is truly working in our lives daily.

Some Days are Hard

After turning off the light at 11:45 pm with an anxious heart, Liam woke at 12am. I was able to go back to bed, but still with too much on my mind making my sleep light. At 4 am Liam decided to start talking, telling the world something, but I was the only one listening as the rest of the world was sleeping. At 6:15, soon after saying goodbye to Albert, Audrey had to go potty. "Is it still dark outside", she says. "Yes, you should go back to bed." I say in my attempt to get a few moments of rest before starting my day. I was unsuccessful, and thus our day began....getting ready, rushing off to the doctors to wait, then going to Bible Study (I'm so thankful it was today, I really needed it, and need to continue to meditate on God's promises). His mercies are new every morning (even if the morning and night prior run together).

Life as a Young Mom

Finding time to get on the floor and play, while still making time for myself to avoid burnout (hmm..might have already past that point) is tough. Last week, I really focused on spending good quantity and quality time with Audrey. I forget how fun it is to play, especially when I become overly focused on time for me. Granted, time for myself is important...making it priority over my children is not. After a couple of days trying to be creative (with a little help from websites), I truly enjoyed my time making things with her. I found myself even waiting with anticipation to have her wake up from a nap so that we could play. What a great feeling to have with my child. I have been SO blessed to have this opportunity to stay home with my children, I never want to waste it. Life continues to be a constant balancing act, but when I get my heart in it, it's amazing how God changes my attitude. I still need that time for myself, and I was able to take a day on Saturday, as my dear Hubby took his first full day with both kids. I'm so thankful for him!

Here are some of the fun things we did last week:

Playing in the snow, cloved clementines, and Kisses to count down the days til Christmas (thanks Leigh Ann for the idea!)

Safe?

Psalms 4:8 - I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

In a recent magazine, this was a comment about a previous article.

"Marvin Olasky's comment - 'there are dangers all over, and we are always safest when we follow Christ, wherever He leads' (Urban Calling - World Oct. 13). I am working at a school in South Asia that was attached by terrorists back in 2002, and I get so tired of people who think I would be safer staying at home. Most of the time I feel safer shopping in Islamabad than I do in Houston. I told the kids I was with while our school was under attack, 'God called each of us here, we are in the center of His will, and there is no safer place to be, I don't care how many bullets are flying around outside.' And where do we get the idea that God wants us to be 'safe', at least in this life?" - Nancy Stewart Murree, Pakistan

I loved this comment. No, I don't live in violent area where I have to fear for the life of my family. I am thankful I live in a "safe" place. Safe is such a relative term, isn't it? I hope that if I did live in the war ridden areas of Africa or the middle-east that I would feel safe in the arms of Christ. We never know what today brings, even here in the United States. Even here we deal with terrible tragedies such as the Amish school shootings, the sniper incidences in Maryland, DC, and Virginia, and even weather related tragedies like Katrina. Only by the grace of God has my life not been taken.

We currently live in the city. Cities are rarely ever considered the "safest" place to live. We're surrounded by people, which leads to higher volumes of theft, violence, and other forms of destruction. I do believe that if we are following in the Lord's will we will be safe. That doesn't mean that He will keep us from physical death, but we have the assurity of eternal life. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." What a wonderful promise. With an eternal perspective on our life, we can focus on the Lord's plan for us without fear.

Mercies are New

It's been a couple of rough days and nights, but His mercies are new every morning. I've been reminded of this as I'm waking up several times a night the past couple of nights. The Lord has given me the strength to get through the days and nights. Unfortunately, Liam has his first cold. This is accompanied by a cough which wakes him up several times during the night, as well as during the day, making it very hard for him to have a decent nap. Last night Audrey was much more snuggly than normal, she's not at all, so even a little is a lot more than normal. This morning she was the same, and feeling hot/cold. Oh no! The virus has past from one sibling to the other, welcome to the world with more than one child.....sigh. We are praying it doesn't continue, and that we've gotten over the worst...especially for Liam as he can not tell us what he's feeling.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I will post pictures soon. Oh yes, we bought another computer (we entered the Mac world), so once things calm down with the kiddos, and I learn my way around this mac I'll begin posting once again. I have a bit of a learning curve ahead of me. I'm sure I'll get it soon enough and you will all be updated on the happenings around here.

Desensitized

A Monday morning rant...

On Friday night our family decided to go get a movie or two. We knew at least one of the movies we rented would be for Audrey, since we were going to be taking a day trip on Saturday. I don't know about other video stores, nor how much of this is marketing, however in our video store the family section is in the BACK of the store. As we were walking to and from the family section, which happens to be next to the 'comedy' section (which, by the way, has very few humorous videos). So, as my daughter is innocently looking for a video...right there available for her to see are these disgusting video covers. We did our best to keep Audrey's eyes looking at the desired 'family' videos and continued to keep her distracted as we walked back up to the register.

Has our culture become so desensitized to images that we feel it appropriate to show the goriest, grossest, hideous image of the movie on the front cover for the sake of sales? It's not enough that the movies contain obscene amounts of violence and se*xuality, all in the name of marketing and profits? I'm not sure I'd feel different if these videos were put higher (so that young eyes couldn't see them), however it would show some sense of sensitivity to those of us who do not want to see these images. Our family does not rent movies often. We'd be lucky if we were able to watch a full-length movie once a month these days. However, due to our experience on Friday night we may consider renting movies via mail. We'll get what we want without having to expose our child to these horrible images.

We live in this culture, and I don't want to hide my children from the world, but rather teach them what is good and right before the Lord. I want to teach them God's Word so that they may be able to recognize what is right and wrong, and walk away from situations, or images in this case, that do not bring glory to God.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 (NIV)

18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood, from Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure; cleanse me from its guilt and power.

Not the labor of my hands can fulfill Thy law's demands;
Could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone; Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress; helpless, look to Thee from grace;
Foul, I to the fountain; fly wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath, when mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown, see Thee on Thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee.

Thank you, Oh my Savior, for washing me and giving me undeserved eternal grace!

Random Monday Thoughts

Over the last week or week and a half I have realized more people than expected check my blog. It's encouraging, yet a little frightening at the same time. It also made me aware that I need to post more pictures. Liam is changing constantly, and it's always fun to post pictures of the adventerous things Audrey is getting into. This weekend was particularly busy for us.

Liam is smiling all the time, even at 3 am when Daddy goes to get him. He fusses, then sees Daddy's face and gives a big grin...making those early mornings worthwhile.

For Audrey, she got her first...yes, FIRST haircut this weekend. We've been waiting because her hair is so curly it's forgiving of those uneven lengths, but it was getting a bit crazy so it was time. She did a GREAT job. This girl gives me a fit every morning when I do her hair, but she sat perfectly still while getting her hair cut. She loved the "special seat" she got to sit in, and was mezmorized by watching the hairstylist cut her hair in the BIG mirror. By the way, the "cat face" is thanks to Hands on House. A perfect rainy day adventure with Daddy.

I started back to work 4 weeks after Liam was born. I work from home, so it's a bit managable (not always, but we manage), therefore we headed down to Baltimore to get work done and to visit friends. Liam did a great job traveling, and meeting all the new people. While in the Baltimore area we were able to attend a special party. Do you see the fabulous food behind Audrey? It was delicious! Happy Birthday, JoAnn! Thanks Jamie and Amanda for allowing us to visit.
I love her hair cut! Just to be sure she didn't mess it up, and to avoid getting food on the floor and on her outfit, we came up with this...

Established Steps

As our Bible Study is working through Psalms together, I am often in awe of the 'Righteous Man'. I want to be a righteous [wo]man in God's sight. I want to walk in the way of the Lord. As I read through, the description of a righteous man does not describe me. It is what I want to be, it is what I am striving for, but sadly I miserably fail over and over.

This week we were looking at Psalms 37. Verses 23 and 24 really hit me, in fact I want to commit them to memory.

23The^(A) steps of a man are^(B) established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; 24^(C) though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD^(D) upholds his hand.

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way"
Thank goodness!!! I am so glad the Lord has already gone ahead and made a plan for me. My path is set.
"though he fall"
OH YES! I will fall, there's no doubt. That righteous man will fall. What a relief to read this. Although I fail in my walk with the Lord over and over, I can still strive to be that righteous [wo]man.

"he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand."
I love the imagery here. I'm not going to be thrown out if I fail or stumble along my path. I will certainly fall, but I just imagine the Lord holding my hand like a young child holds her Daddy's hand. When I (being the young child) fall, the Lord leans over and brings me back up, helping to brush off some of the grit from the fall. This doesn't mean there are no cuts, bruises, or lasting scars from the fall. It doesn't mean the path is paved and straight, most likely it's rocky and steep, but I continue on, my hand in his. As I take these established steps of my life as a wife and a mom, I am reminded not to be discouraged when I fail (daily). Rather, I need to get back up, grasp onto the hand of my savior and continue my journey.

Balancing Act

Here I am 7 weeks into my new life with two children. I love it! I really do, but I have these days like today when I feel like the balancing act is much too difficult. It's one of those days when Audrey wasn't being particularly naughty, and Liam didn't need me any more than usual. Audrey wants to help, sometimes too much. I do try to get her involved as much as possible, but today I wasn't into being creative with what she could do to help. So, she proceeded to climb on me when I was holding Liam, check his eyes and ears with her toy medical kit (as if she'd have a real one)...scary as she's trying to poke him in these sensitive areas. I kept pushing her off me, off him, and eventually out of the room because she wouldn't stop. After feeding, then changing him, I took an opportunity to hold him. I just wanted to hold my peaceful, content little baby. I feel like I often put him down to go onto my next task and he's pretty content so it seems ok, and then Audrey's ok because it's usually her I'm attending to. I just wanted to hold my baby, and I felt incredibly guilty for not paying attention to Audrey. I know all this is good, I know she'll adjust, I know Liam needs this time too. She is certainly not neglected, so why do I feel this incredible sense of guilt? I feel guilty because I made her leave the room so I could peacefully hold my baby. I didn't want to take the time to think of something for her to do for Liam. She's not a snuggler, so simply asking her to sit next to me or close while I hold him wasn't going to work. It was just easier for me to tell her to leave the room, to find something else to do. I never want her to think I don't love her, or that I'm pushing her away from me. I hope the moments that remain in her memory are the times we play, read, walk, talk, or watch movies together.

And then we have moments like this...

Suffering

Today I dedicate my post to Logan Clark Stoltzfus. It is his 2nd birthday, but sadly I have never had the pleasure of knowing this little guy. The Lord took him home soon after my very dear friend, Kara, gave birth to him. I can't even begin to know what that pain is, to lose a child...all I know is the joy of loving them. Kara is a strong woman, she was before Logan's death, but she is certainly even more so now. She is not one to let this tragedy in life get her down. She has been able to talk, cry, even blog about her pain. She has stood up and wanted to do something, to help others feeling this same sense of loss. I admire her desire to get back on her feet, although I know she had many of days when she didn't want to get out of bed. I know there were days she did not see God's hand in her life. I am sure she often felt how David felt as he wrote many of the Psalms, like Pslams 13.

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

We often can't help but wonder or question why God would allow a life taken so young, so new? We can often ask these questions about anything in our own lives. We may never know why, but we can certainly rest in knowing He is a mighty, sovereign, and Holy God. He is omniscient, omnipotent, and is omnipresent. He is with us, even through our darkest and deepest pain. He knows the deepest pain of loss, of giving His one and only son for our ugly sin. Not only did Jesus die, a death on the cross, but he experienced the pits of Hell. There is no greater punishment nor pain, and he took it upon himself even though he never deserved any of it! Oh the pain God the Father understands! He did it all for me! Unbelievable!

As we suffer through our own personal pain, I pray that I would be like David rejoicing in salvation, and trusting in God's unfailing love. Despite David's pain, he sang to the Lord "for he has been good to me". I want to do the same! Today I lift the Stoltzfus family up in prayer, and grieve with them as they face the suffering of losing their son, grandson, brother, and friend.

I Love City Life

Not always, but today I do. There are days I'd love to not have a parking lot in front of my house with cars that have speakers blaring, a neighbor that starts his parties after the bars close and happen to stand between our houses where the noise echoes, and smoke coming into our windows from our other neighbor. Yes, aspects of city life really annoy me...but then there are the reasons I love the city.

Today I got my jogging stroller and my baby bj*orn and off the three of us went, for a long walk. We walked to church. It's a 2 mile walk one way, so perfect exercise, and Audrey walks majority of the trip. The best part is that we can walk one way to church and a totally different way back, but there's not just two ways to go, we could go a plethora of ways. I love to walk along and see all the variety of houses, decorations, retail shops, restaurants, and people that I pass along my way. I love having a reason to get out and walk, other than just for exercise. Today we walked to church, other days we walk to go to the park's playground, coffee shop, restaurant, market, grocery store, or the video store. All are reasons to not use gas, get some exercise, and breath fresh air. And along the way we may meet a friend or two.

Today on my walk home I began walking along with another mom of two young children. She had this really cool stroller (donations, anyone?), so the conversation began, but being Moms we already had much in common to talk about. We talked as we walked together for several blocks. She's new to the area and recently put her child in pre-school to meet new moms and for her son to meet friends. I was thankful God put me at that place and that moment. I don't know that I'll run into this mom again, but it certainly helped make my walk home faster and I hope it brightened her day as well.

On days like today, the parking lot doesn't bother me (no one is doing laundry today, so it's quiet) my neighbor doesn't have parties on weekdays, so I'm thankful there's space between our houses giving us a bit more land than a lot of city dwellers, and I'm thankful for the large city house windows even if I do have to close them occasionally for fear of 2nd hand smoke plus he's a wonderful neighbor. It's all in perspective, right? Hopefully I'll come back to this post when I'm not as excited about living in the city. For today, I love city life.

Moments

Some moments I'm too tired, actually most moments I feel that way. I feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities of being a Mom, to both a newborn and a preschooler. I had a friend recently encourage me by reminding me that the Lord's mercies are new every morning. He gives us exactly what we need to make through each day. She's right. The Lord gives us these unprompted moments to let us know children are a blessing, not just to us as parents, but also to each other. I am thankful for these little glimpses of affection, especially when they are not staged for the camera. I can make it through today, and better yet...with a smile.

Hot Coffee

I think Hot Coffee is a thing of the past for me. My husband made coffee for me this morning (uh, last night, but plenty for me to have this morning). I love when I have coffee made for me, the problem is, when do I drink it? So I put it in the microwave to heat up while getting breakfast for my daughter. Seems logical, right? After getting her breakfast, and Liam was already changed, I figured I could sit down with Audrey and drink my coffee. No such thing. No sooner had I gotten the cereal ready for Audrey, Liam has a dirty diaper (yep, I just changed one right before getting the coffee in the microwave and getting Audrey's cereal). So, off I was to change him. Then Audrey spills her cereal over herself and the floor. I send her to clean up the floor while I go and get a new outfit for her. I finally remember I have coffee in the microwave. Audrey's getting herself re-dressed and I check the coffee. As expected, it was luke warm (yuk!), so I put it in for another minute. Turn around to clean something, don't remember what, and realize Liam has spit up all over himself. I've got to change him. Then I remember he's probably hungry, now I have to feed him. While nursing I have time to think....oh yeah! I have coffee in the microwave, hope it's not cold by the time I'm done! Should I have even bothered? Audrey was picked up by a friend to play at their house for the morning. Liam is happy as can be in his bouncy seat. I'm thankful for this moment, while I write this post and drink my HOT COFFEE!

**Update** I like the iced coffee option, thanks for the suggestion. At least I'd get my caffeine.

Overjoyed & Overwhelmed with Thankfulness

Even now as I think about writing this post I am brought to tears. I am so overwhelmed with emotion and thankfulness. Just less than two weeks ago our son was born. We had no idea he was a boy, and having a girl already we had no boy clothes and very little neutral clothing. I knew he wouldn't care if he wore yellow, green, or white clothes for the first few months of his life until I was able to get some "boy" clothing for him. We know families that were willing to offer hand-me-downs if we did have a boy, again he'd have something. I was just cleaning his room yesterday and realized how God has been providing for us...abundantly! Prior to cleaning and organizing his room, it looked like a storage closet. There were clothes every where. As I sorted through it all, I realized how much this little boy had! We have been blessed by people bringing meals, clothing, diapers, providing financially, and giving of time for us. It's in these moments I wonder why I doubt my Heavenly Father. He has proven once again He provides. I am so overcome by the generosity and love people have been showing us. Although I rejoice in this, I am saddened by the times I haven't responded to the tugging on my heart to bless others, and stop being so near-sighted. I hope that I am reminded of these moments when God whispers in my ear to help someone in need. Thank you to you all for being so open to hearing God's voice.

Having Patience

I was hoping to be holding our little baby by this date...my due date. But, alas, no baby yet. We are still eagerly awaiting. BUT, with Albert off today (although he is going into work) I am taking advantage of some pampering for myself. We headed off to the park for a little play time with Audrey, then on to the mall for time for me. Albert took Audrey to the play area and all the other "fun" spots around the mall, mostly the mechanical rides, which for Audrey never move (why spoil the imagination??). I headed to get a pedicure. I don't pamper myself in this way much, the last time was over 3 years ago when I was pregnant with Audrey. It's a great way to relax. I loved it, and wonder why I don't do it more often. Oh yes, I'm too cheap! After my pedicure, it's a must to stop for an Aun*tie An*ne's pretzel. Now, with my tummy satisfied and my feet happy, the day has been worthwhile, even if I'm not holding my little baby (although it is only 12:30).

Wide Awake

It's almost 4am, and I've been wide awake for over an hour. This has become the trend in recent days. I am tired and willing to go back to sleep, but my body is preparing me for days when baby is up at all hours of the night. It's during these moments that I start to think...when will this baby come? I've been trying to keep myself occupied, and have done a fairly good job...during the day. It's these early hours of the morning that hit me the hardest. What else is there to think about? I usually end up spending some of this time in prayer. Praying for what? Praying for the baby to come, patience, for my body to fall back to sleep so that I won't have a difficult day with my daughter, and praying that I can focus on other things so that these days don't feel like eternity. I feel so self-focused. It's all I think about. Albert is working so hard at school trying to get everything ready for the start of the school year (sept. 4th) and I'm more worried about the idea of him not being able to spend a full week with me once this baby comes. I know in my head things will all work out, they always do, but my heart has a hard time fully believing that. Isn't that how it often is in our Christian walk? Do we TRULY believe that God knows and wants what is best for us - not that it means it will be easy or painless? Do I truly believe that God has a plan for my small family, and he's orchestrating every detail? I want to shout YES, but honestly I can't. Why? When time and time again God has proven himself? It's such a battle within myself, and with God. I seek to gain that control that only he can possess. How could I want that, with a mind so finite? I fool myself into thinking I know better...a true fool. Soon enough I will be holding this precious child in my arms, even at 4 am, thankful that God has all things in HIS time.